cloud cities

so recently I went to this thing called "Urbana." Ironically its not in Urbana but St. Louis. Anyway, its a student mission conference sponsored by the organization i work for - intervarsity...its a campus ministry org.

16,000 christians take over the city of st. louis - it's intense...i'll leave it at that

i've been in this season of re-evaluating, questioning, doubting, falling in love all over again with things, falling out of love with those things yet again, thinking a lot, needing to find answers, and sadly not as much time praying.

my quest for a theological "cure all" for all my questions had left me extremely tired and honestly somewhat hopeless. my quest for head knowledge and a better intellectual understanding of God took over and my heart knowledge and my experience of God slacked, which didn't help the doubting part.
I have an over analytical mind - which is a blessing and a curse sometimes - i was also a history student, i was taught to have my first reaction to be skepticism...i question everything which causes me to search for answers and when i find answers, it only raises at least 8 more questions for every answer i find...so you can see the dilema

i had a revelation on my way home from urbana
on the plane ride back from urbana i got schooled by a young German child in the seat behind me..

"Look at the clouds son"
Me in my head: "ya look at the clouds."
(A few minutes before I had been looking out the window as well...I have always been fascinated when I fly through clouds. I mean you are so close to them but can't touch them, its frustrating At this particular time we were starting our descent, so I was ready, and excited.)
"Look daddy! a cloud city!"
"Oh wow son, you're right look at that!"
Me: "cloud city what?"
"look at that cloud city daddy! its even bigger

Me: (in my head)
"I wonder what it would be like to touch a cloud."
"how freekin awesome would it be to be attached to some rope swinging through the clouds."
"I wonder what it would feel like, probably soft and fluffy."
"well, I'd probably get wet if I touched a cloud, they are after all, condensation - water."
"how does the plane not get wet?"
"how does the wetness not affect the engine? shouldn't an engine stall when its wet? clouds after all are made of water vapor..I wonder how they prevent that, clearly planes have flown through clouds before...hmmmm"

"look at that city son!"
"look daddy! a _________(insert random cloud animal shape)"

Me: "oh, look at that, it IS a cloud city..."

you get the idea...and this point it hit me like a wall of bricks, that I am trapped in my western-ness, my predisposition to reason and having the answers, prevents me from seeing and experiencing the beauty all around me. my thought pattern went from wonder and awe at the thought of swinging through clouds, to pondering the inner workings of a jet engine in a matter of seconds...it took a 5 year old to point out a cloud city for me to actually see it.

maybe this is why jesus says we need to become like little children...

"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:15